who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
