How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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