actually, I'm a sock model
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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