a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
