Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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