i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
