He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
