I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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