some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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