I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
