Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
