Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
