Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
