Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize