the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
