yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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