**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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