Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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