Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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