im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
