please come you make the beer taste better
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
