apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
