I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
