That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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