Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
