I've blown a few things in my day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
