The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
