Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
