Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize