Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if only i could text you this smell
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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