I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
