You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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