I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
