Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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