They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
