my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
