UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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