god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
