Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
