In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
