it was like eating out sand paper
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize