do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
