So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
