I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
