Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
