Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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