i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
