I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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