What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize