Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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