so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
