Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
