forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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