; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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