come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
