Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
