I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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