You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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