Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
