he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
smell my finger.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
