my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
