Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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