toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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