She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
