$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
