Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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