I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
