im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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