A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm jealous of your bromance
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
