i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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