someone get that fucking seahorse.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
