I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
