just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
