so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
