Your dad touched me again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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