I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
either way he was missing a nipple.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
