Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As shirtless as possible
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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