Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
