Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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