what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
