i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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