Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
