She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
