Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
