Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
