It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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