Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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