Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
