remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
