census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
