You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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