when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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