I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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