i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
