Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
