she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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