woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
