Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
