So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
