feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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