Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
