I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
