Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
