I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
